on spanish

Sometimes....

I stand there, in front of my host mom or my classmates, and want to bury myself into the floor. The words are stuck behind a block in my mouth. My brain can't come up with the word I want and all the other ways to explain it have vanished from the face of the earth.

My tongue won't cooperate to form itself into rr's and long and unfamiliar combinations.

I say something after having rehearsed it for the previous 10 minutes in my head.

I feel like I could almost pass for not being a foreigner.

I walk for an extra two blocks when I'm lost because that's how long it takes me to build up the courage to ask someone for directions.

I open my mouth and the person in front of me immediately switches into English.

I make stupid, idiotic mistakes that I would never have thought I would. I say "con yo" instead of "conmigo" or make "problema" feminine.

I tune out of a conversation for a few seconds and when I come back to earth, realize I have no idea what's being discussed.

I get so frustrated by all of the words and sayings unique to Costa Rica (costarriqueñismos) that I have to learn.

I nod my head and smile vaguely because I have no idea what someone just said to me. Or if it was even a question.

And sometimes, sometimes, someone asks me a question and I don't have to think through my answer, or correct myself halfway through. Sometimes the words march out of my mouth just the way they're supposed to, the way they do in my head.