look! i'm alive!

In thinking about my blog for the first time in quite a long time, I couldn’t even remember if I’d posted anything about Nicaragua. (Turns out I did. Thank goodness, because the details of that trip are already long gone.) Things got a little hard since then. Things didn’t work out as I had hoped with the Red Cross, so instead of volunteering as an EMT, I was stuck in the office, feeling aimless. Luckily my advisor was able to get me into the local ER to do some observing there. It has been interesting to see what happens in the hospital, after learning, if not seeing, so much about the pre-hospital side.

I’ve had a head full of class decisions and senior year scheduling issues, waiting for a housing decision, trying to figure out my summer (it will work out. It has to work out.). And even though I’m still here and living the study abroad experience, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on what that means and what this experience has meant to me and why I feel like I was so unprepared for it.

I get why people don’t want to talk about the hard stuff. I am probably going to fall into that trap too, as it’s so much easier and more comfortable etc. But I do feel that I, at least, owe it to future abroad students to also include the harder, less shiny bits that don’t make it onto the pamphlets. That as nice as your host family is, they’re still not going to be your real family. But, you will spend enough time with them that some of their little habits might start to drive you up the wall. That culture shock is very real, but is different for everyone. That it doesn’t necessarily mean hating where you are and wanting to go home. That food is a big deal. That as suffocating as the Grinnell bubble can feel, it’s also a wonderful little sanctuary. That it’s hard. That every program has issues.That you do not have to enjoy every single second to still have a positive experience.